my life as a woman, as a soul, as a plain human being

yesterday, the day that i had hoped would never come arrived at my doorsteps.

the knock was very unwelcome but i had no choice but to open the door and face the fact that was going to be thrown in at my face.

Kokushi…

i passed it…even though the marks were incredibly low but it was enough for me to gain a license as a doctor in Japan.

it takes a big miracle to pass this exam without doing the QBs and yet again, Allah has changed my course of life by making me pass it despite the fact that i never touched any of my QBs…

i did cry when i was told that my number was in the list (actually after that i found out that i gave the wrong number and was a bit relieved until i saw my real number actually existed in the passing list….)

i cried because i couldn’t help but to feel relieved that everything was over.

that 7 years of hardship has been put to end…

but i couldn’t help and still can’t help but to feel so sad that…

i can’t state the reason here due to some unavoidable reasons.

i had actually prayed that i failed the test.

i didn’t want to pass due to the reasons that unfortunately i have to keep to myself for awhile.

i am still feeling sad…but i am happy that everyone’s happy that i passed.

and what makes me most happy is when i saw how delighfully happy my parents were when i told them the news.

it just happened that i had a quarrel with my father before i got the news and we weren’t talking for a few minutes.

i wanted so badly to go straight to my father and tell him that i was so sorry but i couldn’t do it.

when i got the news, my father came to brace me in his arms and that’s when i broke into tears and told him how sorry i was for shouting at him in the public.

my mom…looked so happy that the smile on her face which quickly took into shape once she got the news lasted even until the very last minute i said goodbye to her before she, my father, my big bro and his family along with my son left the terminal. (my mom and danial came on the 13th while my father and my big bro with his family came on the 20th and they all went back today, taking the 10:30am flight)

i couldn’t tell my parents that i wanted so badly to fail the exam…they looked so happy…so happy that their dream to have a doctor among their children had finally come true.

it’s sad how fate can really alter the way you want your life to be but well, there’s always a blessing in dsiguise. and this blessing…only Allah the Almight knows.

Alhamdullillah.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 28th, 2009 at 7:49 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.